Perfection

You have five new likes,

ten comments and four DMs,

twelve new people have requested to follow you,

have looked at your bio and decided they must get to know you,

because you speak two languages and have dark tanned skin,

your body looks peng in that picture,

you look so damn slim,

hey babe what’s your snapchat xx,

watch how they slide into your DMs,

throw compliments at you based on one picture that took 45 attempts,

because the lighting makes you glow,

and that angle is the best,

and by best I mean unrealistic,

I mean your attempt at being perfect,

because all these other girls always look so perfect,

smile so perfect,

are so perfect,

because they get 10,000 likes so,

that must be what we idealise,

I have to be that perfect,

why am I not perfect

Omi

I still talk to you,

Imagine the look on your face when I tell you my stories,

When I tell you I made it,

When I tell you I failed,

I still imagine your voice,

Reassuring and strong,

Even if a little weathered,

You were powerful,

Powerful but stubborn,

And you were loving,

You smiled after a million heartbreaks and then smiled some more,

I hope you found your happy ever after,

I hope you finally found your peace,

You will forever be missed.

Wolf Whistle

The hungry eyes of those men,

The ones who drive by slowing down at my side whistling their approval through their salivating teeth,

Seeing my body as a fresh slab of meat,

Women were not made to bow down to predators in such a way,

We gave life to the very men that dismiss the fact that we have a brain,

Because what is a woman if not her body,

Well let me enlighten you,

Women are star crossed lovers,

Who fight to protect those they care for,

Who heal the wounds of those who are there for them,

Women raise children from within,

Women come in all shapes and sizes,

We are not defined by what the boy driving by heckles at our minds,

We are not the weak bodies that these men desire,

Your whistle is simply a reminder,

You cannot handle the strength we inspire.

My Truth – Unfiltered

To the outside world I am ‘normal’. A 19 year old girl who used to be an athlete, now attends university, enjoys going out but enjoys staying in with a hot chocolate even more. A girl who is always happy, because she is always smiling in pictures and laughs when someone tells a joke and greets you with a friendly hello. Normal. In the world we live in today surface appearances are so important to us. They count for followers, for job interviews, popularity, romance, they count in every way. But let me reassure you, for the majority of us they are deceiving, we only let the world see what we want it to see. For me, my reality is very different. I along with countless others have anxiety, and a history of bad mental health. I have also had an amazing childhood with a family who show unconditional love and patience, an amazing education and friends who are more like family. Something which not all of us are blessed with. Yet I still struggle. Although we are breaking through the stigma of mental health it is still a taboo topic, something which many feel uncomfortable to talk about. I get it. We are conditioned to lock up the bad stuff and only let out the good, but I refuse to do that because by locking up the bad we allow it to grow, morph, in to evil, mysterious, scary – as humans the unknown is intimidating. This mental health epidemic – especially amongst us younger generation – is something we can help to change, it is not something that we must accept as being predetermined. My first panic attack led to a trip to the hospital. I started to hyperventilate and couldn’t breathe, my tongue went numb and I thought I was going to choke on it. It came out of nowhere. I did not know what it was. My parents thought I had an allergic reaction to something and was dying. I thought I was dying. I have never felt so desperate in my life, it was like my body had erupted with all the bad things I had gone through during my time, bullying, difficulties with family, injury in my sport. From that day onward it got worse, I became so insecure and anxious I would leave school early because I felt so ashamed of my appearance and I couldn’t bear anybody seeing me for any longer. I get stress stomach aches that leave me in agony on the floor, panic attacks that can debilitate me for days, I feel like a burden, I have self-harmed, I hated myself. But I have decided to find the strength within all of this. Because I still get up most days and face the world, I still did my A-Levels and went to university, I still did athletics, I still laughed, loved, had fun. And on the days that felt like they’d never stop hurting, I survived, I never gave up, I let myself feel everything there was to feel and then I picked myself up and kept going. To live your life with an on-going battle in your mind, is work, but it’s such an impressive thing to do, it’s such a strong thing to do so I choose to not see the weakness in my mental health and my bad days, and instead see the strength in rising from it all. So if you’re like me and you sometimes struggle, help is out there, you just have to want it, you just have to look. We can all help prevent future generations from having to suffer with this modern day problem. We just have to share our truths, no filters, no touch-ups, the good and the bad.

The Journey Begins

Thank you for taking the time to join me on this journey! I hope my writing has some positive effect on you and your life. I will be posting my poetry and writing and I hope to spread some positivity.

“Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t”. – Rikki Rogers

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